New Years Resolutions for Facebook

Posted on January 27, 2011 by Jeff

New Year’s Resolutions for Facebook.

I like facebook.  I’ve enjoyed using it to stay in touch with friends and family around the world.  It has indeed revolutionized how we connect with each other.  But as with most things in life, there is the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’.   So, at the dawn of a new year, I believe there are some New Years Resolutions that could apply to facebook that may make it a more enjoyable experience.  I don’t propose that I have all the answers.  But here are some New Years Thoughts for Facebook:

If we wouldn’t say something in real life, standing with a group of friends, we shouldn’t put it on facebook.  For example, when you post on someone’s wall how glad you are that you both are such awesome friends… like the besties ever… it seems a bit desperate.  If you walked up to a group of friends in real life, pointed to one of those friends and told everyone how glad you were that you and this one person were such good friends, it’d just be weird.  And this is NOT just because nobody’s ever said they were glad to be my friend on Facebook.

Medical advice.  Again, If you wouldn’t walk up a large group of friends and start discussing boils, pains or discolorations, facebook may not be the place either.

Weather observations are fine if it’s out of the ordinary.  Snow in Minnesota in December.  Heat in Texas in August etc.  These are fairly common and may not be as ‘news’ worthy as you think.

Desensitizing us to boring topics of conversation:  Just as reality TV numbed the senses when it comes to quality Television, Facebook has made us completely numb when it comes to having actual interesting things to say.  Facebook has watered down the “interesting conversation” pool so badly, the percentage of actual interesting stuff is staggeringly low.  Percentage wise, it’s got less interesting things to say than any of the 6 “New Years Eve from Times Square” TV broadcasts.  At times, when I’m having a particularly low motivation day, I’ll find myself scrolling through the ‘news feed’, eyes glazed over, soul getting sucked out me by the second…. And then I think “Wait… maybe the TOP NEWS will be captivating”….. and after a few minutes I snap out of it.  “What am I doing with my life? None of this is at all interesting, captivating or important.”  Facebook needs to have a built in feature that throws a glass of ice water on your face if you’ve spent more than 5 minutes on the news feed.  And then it needs to have a pre-recorded voice that says “Is this what you want your life to be?  Go DO something interesting rather than wasting your day pretending that your friends are doing something interesting.”  My Mom always said “if you don’t have anything good to say, don’t say anything at all.”  Facebook’s MOM should take a similar stance.

Desensitizing us to bad photographers:  Don’t get me wrong, if you’re a good photographer and you put cool pics on Facebook, that should still be encouraged.  But taking pictures and posting them on Facebook does not in itself make you a photographer.

I don’t get the ‘Places’ thing.  Posting where I am on facebook is counter productive to one of my life missions to hide from people.  In fact, I may start throwing out decoy ‘places’ to make people think I’m somewhere that I’m not. In case I’m being followed.

We should rid ourselves of the status version of chain emails.  “Copy this to your status and then press ‘like’ on mine if you agree… and then tag everyone you know… and then….”

I refuse to be a part of any project where we try to help out Jesus through Facebook.  I don’t care if Jesus has more friends than Bill Gates.  Or if Jesus is on the Top News.  Jesus is not on Facebook.  Nor does He need Facebook to maintain His reign as… you know…. God of everything.

And last but certainly not least:

Stop talking about how hot your wife is.   Don’t mis-understand, we’re glad you’re attracted to your wife.  I’m attracted to mine.   But when you comment on the hot-ness of your wife, it forces the rest of us to ever so briefly ask ourselves the question “is his wife hot?”  Of course when we ask ourselves that question, the answer is either ‘yes’ or a ‘no’ …. And would you be fine with me posting either answer on Facebook?  It’s just kinda weird.

That is it.  This is not an exhaustive list.  If you have other Facebook resolutions, let me know.

Also, I realize that by typing this, I open myself up to closer facebook scrutiny.  I’m OK with that, not because I’m facebook-awesome, but because I’m sure I need these lessons as much as anybody.  Well… not anybody, but a lot of people.  I’m not facebook-awesome.  We all have much to learn. We’re all in this together.

If you agree, copy this to your status and press like.